I’m writing this because I’ve had enough alcohol to be in the honest stage.
Up until a few weeks ago I was in this “fuck love” mental state, denying the existence of ‘true love’ and eternal happiness and all of that (basically saying that even if it exists, I want no part of it.) This all stemmed from a series of serious relationships that, for some reason or another, crashed and burned and left me with little in terms of hope or standards. I was pretty much okay with this attitude until just the other day. Since it’s christmas time, my family has gotten together and I’ve been able to talk to one of my cousins who I hadn’t seen in two years. The entire time I’d known him (basically 19 years) he was pretty immature and, at times, fucking annoying (as all teenagers can be.) Suddenly, though, he has become this person who is not only in a committed relationship but engaged for fuck’s sake. I haven’t met his fiance yet, but I’ve heard she’s extremely nice and will fit right in with our strange family. The part I can’t digest is this transformation I see within my cousin. Suddenly he’s talking about saving for a mortgage and how he cooks certain things because of his fiance’s health problems.
It’s extremely sweet – this caring, concerned, mature young man – but it’s somewhat jarring compared to what I am used to. It has shifted my own life view and priorities. I, myself, was engaged for over a year just ten months ago but that relationship was nowhere near this healthy and loving. Suddenly, I am envious and want someone that I can worry about, and who worries about me. I don’t necessarily want a mortgage or kids but I find myself craving that feeling of utter commitment and unabashed love. It’s so unlike me that I am having a difficult time coming to terms with it. Something about someone nearly my age finding what seems to be a storybook relationship that just knocks me off balance. The point is – I’m incredibly happy for my cousin and I wish the absolute best for the two of them… (and if nothing else, I wish they could know that they have given me hope.)
Hopefully that rant made some sort of sense
It makes perfect sense. There is a point where we come to realize that the glitter of single fun wears thin. Even though your partner comes with all the usual stinky bodily functions, you are suddenly willing to trade irresponsibility for understanding.
Comment by Emily — 27 December, 2007 @ 8:03 am
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Comment by appetite suppresent — 8 July, 2009 @ 8:15 am